What are we doing today?

After a long week of my children wishing it was the weekend every morning when I tried to wake them up for their summer camp, the weekend was finally here and I was relieved to be able to let them sleep in. My oldest has been complaining that they haven’t had time to do their own thing all week, and while I was skeptical that they would actually “do their own thing” for any significant length of time, I chose to maintain hope that that was actually what they planned to do this weekend morning. Alas, within minutes of them waking up, the familiar gripes of “Mom, I am so bored…” and “Mom, can I watch something on the TV” started. Thinking to myself that we had been pretty good about keeping it screen-free, my spouse and I decided to reward ourselves and agreed that they could watch an episode of their favorite show, as long as they promised they would turn the TV off without putting up a fight at the end of the episode. Of course, one episode turned to two, and soon they had spent almost an entire morning in front of the screen.

We learned long ago that for my kids, a morning of screen-based entertainment is usually a recipe for disaster, and we always end up regretting it. Sure enough, patience started to run thin in the household, and sibling fights escalated. My spouse cut them off from the screens and turned to me and asked, “We need to get out of the house. So, what do you want to do today?” expecting me to have a plan. Unfortunately, I did not have a plan. What are we doing today?

There is more to answering “What are we doing today?” than I ever appreciated before I became my family’s primary activity planner. There is the weather forecast (and how much to trust the weather forecast). There are everyone’s interests - ideally, the activity should have something enjoyable for everyone in the family, parents included. And there is the current mood and energy level in the household. If the children are already overstimulated, going to a crowded trampoline park is probably not the best idea.

While the question “What are we doing today?” still causes a spike in my blood pressure, here are some things I have tried that have made answering that question a little easier:

1. Planning ahead - and I mean ahead

Full disclosure, I am not a great plan-ahead person when it comes to our family activities. I often just try to figure it out on the day of. Unfortunately, that means that I often only learn of one-off activities or events that my family would enjoy after they have happened or after sign-ups have passed. On the rare occasions when I manage to look ahead and plan out a few weeks or months at a time, I usually find enough interesting family activities and events to fill out most of my family’s weekend calendar. 2. A default activity for indoors and out

What works best for my family has been having a default indoor activity and a default outdoor activity. If the weather is hiking-compatible, and we don’t have anything else planned, we go hiking. If the weather is not conducive to outdoor activity, and we can’t think of anything better to do, arts and crafts are the fallback activity for our family. Of course, we fully expect the default activities to change once our family’s interests evolve, but for now, these work for us. 3. Leaning on our community

Many of our weekends have been saved by texting another family “Hey, what are you all up to today?” Whether it is meeting up at a playground or at a brewery with an outdoor playspace, joining another family in an activity can often enhance the experience by providing the kids with additional playmates, and the parents with a social outlet. 4. Dividing and conquering

The whole family does not have to be out at the same time. For our family, with children with very different interests, we have found that sometimes the best thing for us to do is to split them up so that each kid can have one-on-one time with a parent, catered more to their interests or personalities. Another form of divide and conquer we frequently use is to have one parent take both kids out, so that the other parent can have a break or catch up on errands or chores without having to deal with kids. 5. Letting go of control

This is specifically something I had to learn and something that can still be hard for me. As the primary planner in the household, I am used to being fully in charge of my family’s schedule. However, I have learned over the years that sometimes letting go of control is what is best for me and my family. Letting go of control might mean that occasionally, the kids might get more screen time than is ideal because the parents just need a break. Letting go of control can also mean letting the other parent take over the planning for the weekend, so that it is one thing off my mental load.

On that particular weekend, the answer to “What do you want to do today?” was to go with our default option. We took the children out for a hike along a beautiful stream, and the kids had fun flipping over rocks to look for hidden creatures.